Is it REALLY Over?

Sunday morning was the Smallest Winner Banquet...the final get-together of Season 5.  They announced the winners of the season, and we all said our goodbyes.  Did I hit the 35 lb. loss mark?  Yes!!  Did I win??

No.  And...yes.

I didn't win the competition.  I came in 2nd place.  Those of you who know me know that I'm a fan of the saying, "2nd place is the first loser."  I'm a little competitive that way.  :)  I was sad, for sure, but ultimately I was so proud of myself and my progress that it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be.

However, I totally won.  Absolutely.  I lost 35 pounds!!!  That is no small feat.  I have a great workout routine, I ran my first 5K in years, I play basketball 2-3 nights a week, I eat to fuel my body (not my emotions), and I'm amazingly happy with my progress.  I've changed my life.  This is truly, honestly, a  lifestyle change that I feel I will be able to sustain.  I'm stronger and fitter than I've been in a long, long time.

I can't thank Mcyveton enough for the support that he has given me.  He's an amazing trainer, and I urge any of you to sign up for some personal training sessions with him.  I know that I will be purchasing a package of sessions this week!!

I would be remiss if I didn't thank The King of the Y.  He has this "bad boy" image...but, there's a great big softy in there.  So, thank you, Derek, for all of your "boooooo"s and King of the Y story-line ideas.  :)

Thank you to Sandy, who became my protein guru...my little "lower your carbs" angel.  My "get up off of the floor and suck it up" circuit class instructor.

Thanks to my Aunt Mary, who was so supportive...even when she was taking pictures of my Thanksgiving food and texting them to Mcyveton.  ;)  You're such an inspiration to me, Mary!!

Thanks to my teammates and the other Smallest Winner contestants!!  I loved working out with you all.  Well, as long as we weren't doing burpees or battle ropes.  Haha.  I wish you the best with your lifestyle change.  Keep up the great work!!

Last of all, thank you to my family and friends.  My husband and daughter have been so supportive (although my daughter says that she misses laying her head on my "squishy" stomach).  Thank you to my wonderful friends.  You all have been the best cheerleaders EVER!!

So...is it REALLY over?  Nope.  It's never really over, is it?  This is my new life.  This is my new, exciting, fantastic life.  I've also decided to sign up for Smallest Winner Season 6.  This was such a fantastic experience, and I still have a bunch of weight to lose, so I just can't pass it up!!  I will continue the blog until then, though I won't post every week, so that I can keep you up-to-date on my progress.

Do you want to change your life?  Join me for Season 6!!  You won't regret it!!

Here's a little picture of me, taken in Times Square, during my NYC trip.  Check out the sign above my head!!!  New thinking, new possibilities, indeed!!

Week 11-ish

Last night was our last team workout with Mcyveton.  Greg and I worked really hard (where was the rest of the team??), and injured Solange stuck her head in to check on us.  It was a great workout...and I'm feeling pretty sore today.  If you haven't checked out the new equipment and rooms downstairs at the Y, do so!!  The new Jacob's Ladders are intense.  We hopped on them at the end of our workout, and Mcyveton had us do 2 minutes.  I though it would be a piece of cake.  Boy was I wrong.  I thought I might keel over after about a minute!!

I really can't believe that the competition is over.  It's exciting and depressing all at the same time.  The support of the Y trainers and staff has been amazing.  I feel like I had a whole team of support behind me cheering me on!  I'll miss that team, but I'll continue to live at the Y long after the competition has ended!!  :)

Tomorrow morning is my 2nd to last weigh-in.  I won't make 40 lbs lost in this competition, but I'm hoping to get to 35 by next Saturday!!!  Wish me luck!!

Week 10

Again, a delay in posting.  I've been so busy and, as the year draws to a close, things don't seem to look like they're going to let up!

I'm now lost over 31 pounds!  It's amazing!  I can really see a difference, and I'm back to enjoying shopping for clothes.  I'm sure that my husband (and my bank account) are thrilled.  I'll love it more, for sure, when I've hit my goal...but it's nice to try something on and have it look ok.

I went to my 20th high school reunion last weekend.  It was fantastic, and I really loved seeing everyone who attended.  I also just returned from a conference in Washington DC.  I had a great time with my friends that I only see once or twice a year.  Food was a source of stress during the conference.  I had no food readily available, and when I'm left to my own devices, watch out!!  Between restaurant options and conference-provided lunches, I was really nervous that I was going to gain weight.  But, I won again!  I tried very hard to avoid anything that my body doesn't need, or doesn't fit into my nutritional goals each day.  I stepped on the scale this morning, and the number is lower than the number it was before I left.  Go me!!!

I think that I may be getting the hang of this lifestyle change!!

Week 8 & 9 - Time Away

It's week 9...I can't believe that the competition is almost over!!  I've been slacking on the blog posting, and I'm sorry.  My Thanksgiving resolution (do they even have those?) is to blog more often!

I'm now down 29.8 lbs!!  I'm dying to get the last .2 off, so that I can say that I've lost 30.  I'm not stopping there, though...there are a bunch of weeks left in the competition.  I'm going to kick it up a few notches.  My initial goal (that Mcyveton set for me at the beginning) was a 30 lb weight loss.  I'm now cranking it into high-gear so that I can hit 40 lbs.  Wish me luck!!

I just returned from a few days of Christmas shopping in NYC with my Mom.  It was super-fun...but OH MAN, was it challenging!!  There's food everywhere in NYC.  There are roasted nuts, which are my all-time favorite, on every single corner!!  I tried to hold my breath, but I smelled them the whole 3 days.  It's bad enough to see restaurants on every corner...but it's an entirely different thing to be confronted with food smells while you're walking down the street.  That, my friends, was challenging.

The other big challenge?  Eating in restaurants.  My mother tried to be kind and let me pick the dining venues.  She was horrified to think that I would be in control of our food choices for the trip (and I secretly think that she thought that I would be critical of everything that she ate).  I ate oatmeal for breakfast, with some banana slices and peanut butter in it.  My mother said that it was disgusting...but I loved it.  I ate salad for lunch each day.  Salad in restaurants is a deadly thing for a diet.  There are very few salads that aren't loaded with horrifying amounts of non-vegetable items...and then smothered in fatty, triple-digit calorie dressing.  Luckily, I found multiple salads that were very healthy. 

Dinner last night was really hard, though.  We went to Bubba Gump's, in Times Square.  I don't know if it's a chain or not, but it has that chain-type restaurant feel.  I ordered grilled mahi mahi and shrimp, and I asked them to substitute steamed broccoli for the mashed potatoes.  This is where it all starts to go awry.  They bring my dinner out, and it's covered in some sort of sauce.  The sauce was most definitely cream-based.  The fish and shrimp is sitting atop a giant pile of mashed potatoes!!!  They bring me broccoli too, but it's covered in melted butter.

I could feel myself melting down.

I calmly asked them for no mashed potatoes, so they took my dinner away and fixed it.  By that point, I was feeling doubtful about the evening.  I started to tell myself that I was being irrational about my dinner, and that I should have just eaten it the way that it was.  I was in NYC, after all!  I was ON VACATION!!!  Didn't I deserve one night of whatever I wanted!?!?!?

That's when I decided to have dessert.

Ugh.  I didn't even want dessert.  There was nothing on the dessert menu that I was dying for.  But, I went right ahead and gave myself permission to eat the bread pudding.  My mother was thrilled!!  I was going to eat dessert...which I think made her happy, because she really wanted dessert.  I thought a lot about that bread pudding, and then I wasn't sure that I really wanted it.  I told my mother that I would only order it if it didn't have raisins.  I don't love raisins, and I sure as heck am not going to eat something that's unhealthy if it contains ingredients that I don't like.  When the waiter came back, I asked him if the bread pudding contains raisins.  When he said yes, I shouted, "It's a sign" to my mother.  We both said no to dessert.

The whole way back to the restaurant, I looked for a roasted nuts cart.  I told myself that, if I saw a roasted nuts cart, it would be a sign that I was supposed to eat roasted nuts.  At this point, as you can clearly see, I was temporarily insane.  We saw no roasted nuts carts...so I did not eat any roasted nuts.

I was still fighting with myself, for the entire walk, about what I would eat.  What I could eat.  I had myself in such a tizzy that I was willing to eat almost anything that was unhealthy.

In the end?  In the end, I ate nothing.  No bread pudding.  No roasted nuts.  I even walked right past the shake shop next to our hotel.

And you know what?  I was glad.

Week 7 - Out of my Head

Week 7 down.  I'm down 5 more pounds, which puts me at 25 lbs lost.  I'm 5 lbs away from a really big goal, so I'm hoping to hit that number in the next 2 weeks.

This week was another really hard week.  I'm fighting off sickness, and I missed my team workout this week.  That bums me out to no end.  We all need to be there for each other, as a team, and work hard together.  I saw Greg and Solange at the gym this morning, and I felt so proud of them for being there!

I had a really rough workout this morning.  I went from seeing the changes, and feeling the changes...to feeling like I haven't changed at all.  The gym was busy, which is always a huge mental battle for me.  I see myself there, working out, as a really overweight person.  I see all of the fit people around me and I feel like a big Fatty McFatterson.  It's all I can do to not run out crying.

I've done this to myself.  I can only work hard to fix it.

Sometimes the mantra doesn't work.  Sometimes that's not enough.  Some mornings, I can't get out of my own head.  I defeat myself before I've even started...standing there looking around in a panic at all of the people in the gym.

This morning was that kind of morning.

Thank you, Mcyveton, for sticking by me and making me do the workout.  Thank you for talking to me about reality when my brain was talking nonsense.

This is a fantastical, amazing journey.  Painful?  Yes.  Eye-opening?  Yes.  Seemingly impossible sometimes?  Yes.  But I will continue to work hard.  I will continue to reach each goal and fight through each day.

Week 6

It's been a long, tough week, folks.  Halloween was tough...and I had a weak moment.  Or two.

I ate some candy.

Ugh.

I'm using this as a lesson to myself.  Sometimes we eat things that are not good for us.  It's no longer an everyday occurrence for me.  I've had 6 weeks of eating really well.  So I ate some candy.  Big whoop.  It will not derail my progress.  My daughter's candy bowl has been sitting in my house since Halloween, and I haven't indulged since.

I'm now down exactly 20 lbs.  This was a huge milestone for me, and I'm really excited about it!!  I can't wait to see what the scale says each week as I watch the number go down...down...down...down!!!

Week 5 - The Twist

Yesterday was the Smallest Winner Team-building event...and we found out the big Season 5 twist!!  All week, I was filled with dread.  I thought, for sure, that they would do a trainer switch-a-roo on us.  I told McGyveton almost daily that the Smallest Winners were going to be assigned new trainers.  Some other guesses from the group?  The trainers were going to cook us dinner (haha), or that we were going to a ranch.

We were totally wrong!!


The twist?  Every one of the trainers' workouts are now open to all of the Smallest Winners!!  What a great way to help us through the last 6 weeks of the competition!  I'm looking forward to trying out some of the other groups' workouts.  NOT that I'm spying or anything....I would never do that.

I'm down another 1.4 lbs. this week.  It's disappointing to see a number so small.  I'm not going to lie.  But the number is going down.  That's the key.  I am not gaining weight, I am not maintaining weight.  I am losing weight.  It's a fantastic feeling.  When I think about the past 5 weeks, I realize that I have been able to lose weight, change my eating habits, and become a much more active person...all without "dieting" and torturing myself.  What an amazing, wonderful, life-changing experience this has been so far!!

Lessons learned this week:

1. I have been spelling McGyveton's name wrong.  This cracks me up, because he's never mentioned it!  Sorry about that, McMuffin McGyveton!!
2. I can eat a few bites of "bad" food at a party, and then STOP EATING.  I've never really thought about this before.  I usually eat everything that I want at a party, and then some.  Or, I go the completely torturous route and not eat anything.  This method leaves me feeling bad and deprived.  I realize now that I can take a bite of something and walk the heck away!!
3. Running makes me feel good.  Don't get me wrong, I hate every single step.  But when I'm done with my run?  Wow.  I feel unstoppable!!

In other news, I found out that The King of the Y is sensitive!  Yes, you heard me correctly, people.  He is a sensitive guy!  Not only did he profess his love to me this week, but I saw him shed a tear while listening to some "Marry Me" song.  I think he may be turning a corner, folks.  Stay tuned for further developments...

Week 4 -Sports Cars-R-Us

I've been informed that The King of the Y is anxious for a new blog post. I'd like to think that he can't wait to hear about my progress, or read about my self-discovery...but, well, if you know him, you may know that his quest for fame is stronger than his love for me. ;)

So.....I'm down another 3.2 lbs!! I've now lost 15.6 lbs total. Did you hear that, Smallest Winners!?!? 15.6 lbs!! I hope that you are all having as much personal success as I am (but not more. See previous blog posts for further explanation)

I was sure that there must be someone out there reading this blog. I was hoping that there was someone out there reading it. Alas, someone is!! I have comments!!! I have comments posted to my blog!! I'm so happy that there are comments!! Which brings me to the theme of today's post....

Sports cars.

Someone posted that you can either be a clunker, or a sports car. I've never felt like a sports car...a gleaming, gorgeous, red sports car. I think that I'm ready to be that sports car. I feel like it's my time, you know? I think I'm getting the hang of making good choices and using food for fuel. I'm loving my workouts, and my basketball game is improving (just ask all the high school boys that I beat play with each week)! I'm back into running, and I'm seriously feeling fantastic. Don't get me wrong, I'm not where I want to be...not by a long shot...but I feel like my goals are within reach. My goals are possible! I will enter 2012 more than 1/2 way towards being the little Red Corvette. :)

Vroom, vroooooom!!!

Week 3

I'm down another 2 pounds. Hooray!!

This week, I tried to take a good look at my previous eating habits and my relationship with food. We share meals with family, eat food with friends at parties. Think about it...when you're at a party, the majority of people are in the kitchen. Food is a Main Event.

In the past, food has been a comforting presence...something that I partake in to feel good. When I feel unhappy, I eat. When I feel happy, I eat. When I feel stressed, I eat. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

All those emotions, which I go through on a daily basis, equal a whole lot of extra poundage.

*insert long sigh here*

I need to change my relationship with food.

Food is something to be enjoyed, for sure, but its primary purpose is sustenance. I always seem to forget that part. I'm trying to think about it in an entirely different way. I'm looking at the quality of what I'm eating...what's in it, will it fulfill my body's needs for the day. I analyze what my motivations are. Am I hungry? Am I bored?

I am also re-evaluating my "rewards" system. In the past, while dieting, I've set goals for myself. If you've ever struggled with dieting (who hasn't?), I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. "Once I lose 20 lbs, I will do *insert personal reward here*." My personal reward was always ice cream, something with delicious frosting, chips and dip.

Did you get that, people? My rewards for weight loss were always FOOD!!! Why would I do that? If that's not messed up, I don't know what is! Holy self-sabotage, Batman!!

So, I'm changing that. I'm focusing on that this week. Anyone else out there sympathize?

In other news, there is a man who walks around the Stoughton Y calling himself The King of the Y. Anyone else run into him?

Week 2

Week 2 down, and I'm still going strong.  I have lost another 4.4 lbs, which puts me at -10.4 lbs.  My team is doing a fantastic job.  I'm really proud of all of them.  Mcyveton is a fantastic coach, and I'm thankful that we have him!

Lessons learned this week:

1. I can't leave anything up to chance.  This is what gets me into trouble.  I pack my food for the day every morning.  If I don't do this, or I don't pack enough food, I think about bad food choices.  There is a cafeteria in my hospital...and it sometimes has really delicious-smelling, not-healthy lunches.  I must avoid the cafeteria at all costs.
2. A busy schedule leads to missing meals.  Missing meals leads to extreme hunger.  Extreme hunger leads to eating anything (and possibly everything) in sight.  It's hard to think rationally about one's health and goals when you're starving.  Planning each day the night before is a must.
3. It is difficult to find healthy, interesting dinners that my 6-year old will eat.  She's not the most adventurous eater, and she really lets me know when she hates what I've made.  :)  My mantra with her?  "I promise that I will never cook this again, but you must eat it today." 
4. Diet Coke is the devil.  I'm trying so hard to break up with you, DC, but you always suck me back in!!  Baby steps....baby steps.  Too many drastic changes, all at once, are sure to derail my healthy train.  I will defeat you, DC...it just won't be this week!!
5.  My friends and family (hi, guys!) are an amazing support system!

I've also started the Couch to 5K program this week.  I plop my daughter into the jogging stroller and run around my neighborhood.  It's such an easy and convenient program!  According to the information provided, I will be able to complete a 5K, without walking, in 9 weeks.  I'll keep you updated on my progress!

Week 1

One week down, and I'm feeling great! Tonight was our first team workout. Everyone worked really hard, and Mcyveton totally pushed us. It was humbling to run on the track because I Am super-embarrassed about my weight...and everyone could see me. Totally uncomfortable. But I pushed through, knowing that each time I see those same people, I will be smaller. Fitter. Healthier. I'm looking forward to being pushed out of my comfort zone and hoping that Mcyveton works us harder than I think I can handle.

Mcyveton told me that I would be sore this week. You know what? I'd rather be sore than fat.

I'm down 6 pounds this week. That was a great step in the right direction. Healthy weight loss....sustainable weight loss...is about a pound or two per week. I know that 6 pounds is not coming off each week. I'm okay with that (mostly). This is about a lifestyle change, not a fad diet.

A huge part of the weight loss is from actually logging every single thing that I eat and drink. I'm using a tool called My Fitness Pal. I have the app on my iPhone, so I can log wherever I am. It's also available online, which is convenient when I'm at work. I can also log in to the website when i meet with Mcyveton and show him the food log to see if he has any tips or concerns. It's a fantastic tool, and I highly recommend it!

Fellow Smallest Winners, we are ON OUR WAY to our best selves! Work hard this week. Not too hard, though. I'm all about the competition, and I fully intend to win this thing!! :)

The Beginning

A few weeks ago, I decided that I would join the Stoughton YMCA's Smallest Winner competition. The Smallest Winner is the Y's take on the popular show "Biggest Loser."  It's a 12 week competition in which participants strive to lose the largest percentage of their body weight.

I'm done with my current weight, and I'm ready to start a new, healthy chapter in my life.  At nearly 6 feet tall, I've always been taller than most other women...but taller is completely different than bigger, which is what I am now. I'm done being bigger.  I'm ready to be smaller.  I'm ready to be the Smallest Winner!!

I went to the gym tonight to get my weight and measurements logged in.

It was. Not. Pretty.

However, I kept telling myself that I will never...never...see those numbers again.

Mcyveton, my team's trainer, showed me some circuit training that I can do a few times a week.  He also gave me some information about food choices and categories, as well as a food/exercise chart for each of the 12 weeks of the competition.  It's all so exciting, and I feel like I'm so ready for this!

To all of my fellow Smallest Winner competitors....it's ON!!!!  Be your best self!